Xavier

New original/demo: "Ai no Uta" - Song of Love (Orchestral/Anime OST/Romance)

Thu, 23 Jul 2009 23:45:09 GMT

Hello all! I am back once again with a new track, called "Ai no Uta" (愛の歌), which means "Song of Love".

This track was composed this month in several small sessions during a relatively complex emotional/sentimental period. I chose to name the track in Japanese, after a few of my "beta" listeners pointed that the mood would work well for a "lovers" theme in an innocent anime of sorts. I thought that was a pretty fit description. So think love, sunny hills, innocence & true happiness! :) There is no MP3 download yet, but I promise that all music I've released lately will be available for downloading at my upcoming website! (hopefully debuting at the start of August)

“Ai no Uta ( 愛の歌 )” : http://www.kongregate.com/collabs/sounds/Xavier_Dang/ai-no-uta?sort=by_rating_this_week

The track is on the Kongregate website, and it is free for anyone to listen. However, if you could gently take the time to register and rate it (possibly 5 stars, but that is up to you;), I would definitely appreciate it as I am also engaged in a music contest organized by them, the registering process is fast, it is a spam-free website and all e-mail notifications can be turned off in the account settings. It is also a popular nest of incredibly fun free flash games, so do not hesitate if you like those.

Thank you very much for listening/reading & eventually commenting/rating, I will probably post an epic piece this weekend if I can find the strength to compose/produce it in time!

P.S.: For those of you who like what I create & have a Facebook account, please feel free to join my fan page over at: http://www.facebook.com/pages/Xavier-mv-Dang/95099072731
I will update this about once or twice a week with new music, video game soundtrack announcements & website release. I'd appreciate your support as well! This second half of the year is going to be very active for me, musically & professionally-wise, I'm giving my all into it!

Facebook fan page

Wed, 22 Jul 2009 11:23:51 GMT

Hello!

For those of you who have Facebook & would like to listen to my new music, as well as being kept up to date with everything music-related that's going to happen with me this year (hopefully a LOT!), I have created a Facebook page for my musical profile. I hope you will join it & possibly invite some of your friends to it! Thank you very much for your time :D

http://www.facebook.com/pages/Xavier-mv-Dang/95099072731

Need your help again :)

Wed, 15 Jul 2009 00:33:57 GMT

NEW TRACK UPLOADED!

Thanks again for your kind votes on Hillside! I actually ended up 5th barely, the songs were better last week and ended up getting really high ratings ( had Hillside been released the week before I could have won but not this time :P )

I'm going to start working on really huge tunes for the last two weeks. In the meantime I have remastered a "Prince of Persia"-ish demo that I had finished last month. I think it is pretty good and hopefully this will be able to compete again, I have some backup stuff in case it doesn't :) I hope you can help me as always, and let your friends know! Thanks so much for your time!

SHAMSHIR DANCE : http://www.kongregate.com/collabs/sounds/Xavier_Dang/shamshir-dance

Please register & rate 5 stars!

♥

Please help me win a contest!

Tue, 07 Jul 2009 00:04:25 GMT

Hello all :)

I come to you tonight with a special request:

You may or may not know of "Kongregate", it is a huge website filled with fun & free flash games, some being excellent; but it is also home for artists, musicians & coders to share some of their work and work together. The website is holding a contest that runs until July 28th, and that is where I need your help.

Each week the authors of the top 5 weekly tracks get a bit of cash, but most importantly for the week winners (#1 spots only) a panel of experts will decide on a grand prize winner at the end of July (between the 8 week winners) which will have access to a very nice mini home studio worth $5,000. Times are tough and I'm working like crazy to get my business back on track, with a brand new website & tons of new demos to come in July. The appeal of the prizes is great of course, but it is also excellent promotion and gets me back in touch with the independent developers, which I obviously enjoy as well.

Now my actual request:

http://www.kongregate.com/collabs/sounds/Xavier_Dang/hillside

If you could gently take the time to register and rate it (possibly 5 stars, but that is up to you;), I would definitely appreciate it, the registering process is fast, it is a spam-free website and all e-mail notifications can be turned off in the account settings. It is also a popular nest of incredibly fun free flash games, so do not hesitate if you like those. Please do not register multiple accounts or downvote the competition on purpose; it might seem like help but multiple accounts and/or agressive downvoting will not only penalize you, but my participation as well :) Let it be fair. If you think that other friends of yours could help me with this, I'd greatly appreciate the additional support!

Thanks for reading, and hopefully listening, commenting or rating :)

With love,

Xavier

P.S.: I might start maintaining a blog again, but I don't know if I'll do it here. I sure have tons of things to write about, my life has changed so much! Unfortunately now I'm not even sure if I have time to write it down :D

We're learning to be beautiful

Sat, 12 Aug 2006 10:09:40 GMT

So it's been almost 6 months that I haven't posted in this; thought I'd write a blurb about what's been going on since February.

A lot of stuff has happened in the whole "Game music" dealio. I've been working on several GBA titles, I'm finishing work on a GBA/DS title right now and I have some well-paid cell phone deals next; which reminds me that I should definitely register my company soon because money is pouring into my bank account more regularly now. Don't want to take too many risks eh?

It's nice and frustrating at the same time. Most of the titles I'm working on are crappy kiddy games with big licenses. It's more of a chore than pleasure really, but then again I realize how difficult it is to score interesting/rewarding deals. I'd like to make a soundtrack which I can love and rely to, but what I've been given so far (in terms of projects) is really unexciting. I eventually have something cool happening for the end of the year/next year (a XBOX360/Wii/PC temptative title) but I first want to be sure that it's heading somewhere.

I bought a lot of sounds and planning to get gear/insturments later on, I also hope I can sort out my debts to several people soon, I don't like having to owe people stuff. I'm more and more thinking about documenting myself and making contacts for scoring a documentary deal. TV documentaries are getting more and more exciting and the music to them is veyr closeto film-scoring stuff. I would love to work on one or more, but then again I have to find the contacts, deals, and register my company before anything else.

Another downside of the game music dealio is that I don't have much time at all for my own music. I've been meaning to work on a hellven release, a CD album release, collaborations, compilation appearances and everything but I haven't even got started on ANYTHING. It's extremely frustrating. I think cell phone games could be the right way to go, they involve less commitment than a handheld/console game and pay rather nicely too. (The cell phone game I will be working on next pays barely less than the GBA/DS game I've been on and is probably 20 times less work.. Then again it's mostly because of greedy german developpers:)

On a more personal note, things aren't really exciting or depressing. I suppose that is the downside of having become the "Zen master" kinda. Even the problems that used to rot my life, I deal and accept living with now, but the fact is that they are still there and prevent me from being totally freed from my cage. My dad is in financial trouble as well; as I suspected he was indeed living off loans since my mother died; so I hope I can score money and help him or else I'll be paying off debts until the day I die. Good thing I'm not likely having any children.

I will be on vacation at the beach in the Western side of France (Atlantic) from Monday to Friday. I need this, I've been locking myself in this room working for a long while now. I hope to come back a bit refreshed.

I don't exactly get tired of the multitude of local friends I have, but it became a dangerous routine. When you substract video games, drugs and booze to the equation, there isn't so much left to do or talk about. I'm not entirely sure that I still want to hang out with some of them. I'm thinking people who get so impatient and selfish at times, or those who are so deep into their frustration of failures and disappointments, or who have exceptionally disturbing/offensive comments about women because they just fail at interactivity with them. All of those are not my world anymore, I cannot relate. I used to be a misanthropic bastard but it's not the case anymore. I don't have any particular goal or will to move forward anymore, but my motivation certainly isn't going to be hate again, which leads me to question who I want to spend time with.

When I think about it, the "failure" part of my life has been decided by details. May it be during conception or during childhood, it's a rather fascinating thought how some moments that last for seconds can determine the next 10-20-whatever years of your life. It's food for thought, I should inspire from that when I'll make my album, if I ever do it, if I ever stop being such a procrastinating - sometimes fatalist - bastard.

Enneagram Test

Tue, 21 Feb 2006 22:02:28 GMT

nicked from truestar

surprisingly accurate, except maybe about the introverted part. i can range from cold and introverted to total party joker depending on my mood and the feel i get from a place/people/situation.

the Observer
Test finished!

you chose BZ - your Enneagram type is FIVE.

"I need to understand the world"

Observers have a need for knowledge and are introverted, curious, analytical,
and insightful.

How to Get Along with Me

Be independent, not clingy.

Speak in a straightforward and brief manner.

I need time alone to process my feelings and thoughts.

Remember that If I seem aloof, distant, or arrogant, it may be that
I am feeling uncomfortable.

Make me feel welcome, but not too intensely, or I might doubt your
sincerity.

If I become irritated when I have to repeat things, it may be because
it was such an effort to get my thoughts out in the first place.

don't come on like a bulldozer.

Help me to avoid my pet peeves: big parties, other people's loud music,
overdone emotions, and intrusions on my privacy.

What I Like About Being a Five

standing back and viewing life objectively

coming to a thorough understanding; perceiving causes and effects

my sense of integrity: doing what I think is right and not being influenced
by social pressure

not being caught up in material possessions and status

being calm in a crisis

What's Hard About Being a Five

being slow to put my knowledge and insights out in the world

feeling bad when I act defensive or like a know-it-all

being pressured to be with people when I don't want to be

watching others with better social skills, but less intelligence or
technical skill, do better professionally

Fives as Children Often

spend a lot of time alone reading, making collections, and so on

have a few special friends rather than many

are very bright and curious and do well in school

have independent minds and often question their parents and teachers

watch events from a detached point of view, gathering information

assume a poker face in order not to look afraid

are sensitive; avoid interpersonal conflict

feel intruded upon and controlled and/or ignored and neglected

Fives as Parents

are often kind, perceptive, and devoted

are sometimes authoritarian and demanding

may expect more intellectual achievement than is developmentally appropriate

may be intolerant of their children expressing strong emotions

Renee Baron & Elizabeth Wagele

The Enneagram Made Easy

Discover the 9 Types of People

HarperSanFrancisco, 1994, 161 pages

You are not completely happy with the result?!

You chose BZ

Would you rather have chosen:

AZ (THREE)

CZ (ONE)

BX (NINE)

BY (FOUR)

My test tracked 2 variables How you compared to other people your age and gender:

You scored higher than 26% on ABC
You scored higher than 0% on XYZ

Link: The Quick and Painless ENNEAGRAM Test written by felk on Ok Cupid, home of the 32-Type Dating Test

Enneagram Test

Tue, 21 Feb 2006 22:00:14 GMT

nicked from truestar

the Observer
Test finished!

you chose BZ - your Enneagram type is FIVE.

"I need to understand the world"

Observers have a need for knowledge and are introverted, curious, analytical,
and insightful.

How to Get Along with Me

Be independent, not clingy.

Speak in a straightforward and brief manner.

I need time alone to process my feelings and thoughts.

Remember that If I seem aloof, distant, or arrogant, it may be that
I am feeling uncomfortable.

Make me feel welcome, but not too intensely, or I might doubt your
sincerity.

If I become irritated when I have to repeat things, it may be because
it was such an effort to get my thoughts out in the first place.

don't come on like a bulldozer.

Help me to avoid my pet peeves: big parties, other people's loud music,
overdone emotions, and intrusions on my privacy.

What I Like About Being a Five

standing back and viewing life objectively

coming to a thorough understanding; perceiving causes and effects

my sense of integrity: doing what I think is right and not being influenced
by social pressure

not being caught up in material possessions and status

being calm in a crisis

What's Hard About Being a Five

being slow to put my knowledge and insights out in the world

feeling bad when I act defensive or like a know-it-all

being pressured to be with people when I don't want to be

watching others with better social skills, but less intelligence or
technical skill, do better professionally

Fives as Children Often

spend a lot of time alone reading, making collections, and so on

have a few special friends rather than many

are very bright and curious and do well in school

have independent minds and often question their parents and teachers

watch events from a detached point of view, gathering information

assume a poker face in order not to look afraid

are sensitive; avoid interpersonal conflict

feel intruded upon and controlled and/or ignored and neglected

Fives as Parents

are often kind, perceptive, and devoted

are sometimes authoritarian and demanding

may expect more intellectual achievement than is developmentally appropriate

may be intolerant of their children expressing strong emotions

Renee Baron & Elizabeth Wagele

The Enneagram Made Easy

Discover the 9 Types of People

HarperSanFrancisco, 1994, 161 pages

You are not completely happy with the result?!

You chose BZ

Would you rather have chosen:

AZ (THREE)

CZ (ONE)

BX (NINE)

BY (FOUR)

My test tracked 2 variables How you compared to other people your age and gender:

You scored higher than 26% on ABC
You scored higher than 0% on XYZ

Link: The Quick and Painless ENNEAGRAM Test written by felk on Ok Cupid, home of the 32-Type Dating Test

what do i say?

Thu, 02 Feb 2006 08:23:37 GMT

I've been back in France for approx. 10 days now, and it's only now that I can find the energy and will to write something about what has happened.

I'm in a pretty terrible state right now. Unlike most of the M4 attendees I spoke to, this has nothing to do with "post-MAG depression".

While MAGFest was a pretty amusing event, I realize I don't have much to take back from and cherish from it. There was amusement in getting tipsy and partying with a lot of IRC pals, meeting new guys, putting a face on everyone's handle and giggling at some of the unexpectedly funny/disorienting encounters there. I was glad to chitchat with Royal a bit since we've been hellven bros for so long.

Was M4 worth all the traveling? I couldn't say. Humanly it didn't lead to much. For exemple I'd rather spend a bit of time with Royal and George at some coffee or at their place if I really wanted to catch up with the time shared online. Then there are people you look forward to hang out with, but you only spend a couple of minutes with them. It felt trivial and without a point. WHICH I suppose is ok, MAGFest is about fun. And some fun I had, but nothing more mindblowing than spending a weekend with some quality pals and drinks.

It also made me want to disconnect from IRC. I have spoken to Justin and George about this, but it starts to make more sense to me now; I don't really miss it so much now that it's closed, although I wish I had other means of contacting some people I appreciate. I have a busy social life now, I'm almost outside every evening, which - I only realized now for some reason - doesn't seem to be the case of a lot of people there, which is probably why MAGFest is the next BIG thing out there to them. And I'm not saying that with hatred or contempt, I lived more or less like that a few years ago, and despite my social "skills" of now, I am still tortured by many problems and get so torn apart when alone.

My point is: after spending so many years on IRC and - more importantly - after attending MAGFest (with its loads of excitement and disappointments) I can safely say that I do not need IRC much anymore. I have so many problems focusing on the little things that can make my life better, and IRC will be anything BUT help for this now. The fun of interaction I can get with my local pals, my time alone must be spent on work, music and reflection; even though I get depressed and morbid easily.

Will I attend MAGFest 5? I certainly cannot answer this question yet. I'm certainly up for visiting people where they live though.

My trip to the US has been so exhausting. I've been extremely stressed and I've spent more than 65 hours in transportation (planes/buses/trains/subways/cars/vans). A lot of the stress' credit has to go to my family which I should have contacted much earlier. I had to make preparations for the last weekend that I really wanted to spend with Jake & Kristi so I could see my aunt/uncle/cousin in Albany, NY and another cousing in Geneseo, NY. I didn't get to be myself except on rare occasions, mostly during the 2nd week when most of those problems were sorted out.

I'm glad to have spent time with Jake and Kristi despite all of this stress, they have been very hospitable and kind to me. It's a pity we didn't get to spend that last weekend together since they were working during the week. Although I'm glad that Thursday we finally got out in a restaurant with Justin and spent an amusing evening. In Bayonne I also got to spend a bit of time with Andrew and Dan which have been really cool and helped me a lot too (I cannot thank all of you guys enough about helping me financially so much, I wish I had been paid by that guy and that my situation had been more stable when I arrived). It's a pity I didn't get to talk to Dan more but I was so stressed and out of phase.

NYC is pretty damn impressive, I've mostly spent all of my time in Manhattan walking around but that only was already a rather changing experience. I wish I could have experienced NYC nightlife but it would have been hard to achieve without getting myself in trouble (we weren't in NYC itself but Bayonne, NJ); there's always next time though. I was really glad to meet and spent Thursday with Justin too, and I hope I will have the occasion to see him again as well.

The weekend spent with my family was a good excuse to rest some, although I got to spend Sunday morning at a Monastery attending mass (hilarity) because of my cousin who is a HARDCORE catholic and pretty much living like a nun, she's adorable though. Her Godfather's family was really nice too, I got to stay with them and talk to them some, they were a nice encounter.

I suppose I could have written much more about all this trip, which has been rather eventful - although spoiled by so much transportation - and brought a lot of new food for thought in my head. It's early morning here though, and I'm not quite awake yet. For some reason though I felt like writing about it some.. Maybe because I wasn't goofing around on IRC!

- Xavier

P.S.: I have over 1200 euros of debts now, funtimez!!1

Leaving!

Tue, 10 Jan 2006 10:41:49 GMT

I am leaving for the airport in 3 hours, without much money, but an adventurous heart! I'll arrive at JFK Int'l airport at 9PM. 8 hours of flight. I'll meet some of you at MAGFest so see you there, goons! And wish me a safe flight, just for kicks.

Thanks again to all who have chipped in some bucks to help in this silly yet exciting quest.

Mission MAGFest 4: Finale

Fri, 16 Dec 2005 18:43:08 GMT

I got my american visa, so that's a huge relief and I'll be able to go visit Jake & Kristi and attend MAGFest.

Facts:

- I'll be in Bayonne, NJ from January 10th 7PM to January 22nd 7PM, 2006.

- If you are going to MAGFest, just find me over there and we'll party :)

- If you are not going to MAGFest but live in the NJ/NY/PH area (Justin, Keiiii, Busta, all) and want to meet me and hang out, give me your phone number either here or by email at xavier.dang@gmail.com and I'll call you back so we can arrange something.

- I'm going to give the 1,000 euros back to Marc so the financial situation is pretty dramatic still, specially since some people didn't manage or just forgot (Nikki ;p) to paypal me. There are huge chances taht customs/authorities will ask for bank reports once I depart/arrive to let me stay. So I'm just letting you know that my PayPal is still open for donations at xavier.dang@gmail.com

That is all. Thanks to all who donated and/or expressed support. See you at MAG!

- Xavier

God bless kidneys

Wed, 07 Dec 2005 08:39:05 GMT

Dear Santa...

Dear Santa,

This year I've been busy!

In April I helped el_zeratulo hide a body (-173 points). In October I put gum in balaclavasin's hair (-12 points). Last Tuesday I gave clawgrip a kidney (1000 points). In August I set the_af's puppy on fire (-66 points). In June I stole mrs_baird's purse (-30 points).

Overall, I've been nice (719 points). For Christmas I deserve a shiny red ball!

Sincerely,
melvyl

2uuuuuu

Tue, 06 Dec 2005 06:45:46 GMT

Happy Birthday beloved sylphiroth!

Hope you're having a great time, Tash :)

Love,

Xav

MAGFest 4: Part 2

Fri, 25 Nov 2005 10:50:41 GMT

So I hate to go back to this but I've just checked my bank account and it's going to be critical for the US embassy to accept my visa application this way. I'm thinking of borrowing some money to my friend Marc but I'm not entirely sure if he'll be up for it.

Again, I want to thank everyone who has helped me with this already, you know who you are and I appreciate it immensely, you are fantastic.

Getting a visa on my passport is going to be hell; there's tons of paperwork involved and questions to answer and if the armed guards at the entrance find that I'm missing even ONE piece of paperwork they won't even let me go to my appointment with the consulate's representative. They also want a 3-month long reporto f my bank account's activity, and unfortunately I hadn't been wise. So basically I'm obliged to buy the plane tickets (got to buy them one month in advance to get the reasonable price) BEFORE I go to the embassy, to eventually get rejected. It's a terrible situation.

So I'll ask it again, if you can or know anyone who can help me through this situation, please drop whatever you can in my PayPal account (xavier.dang@gmail.com). I could eventually pay some of that back later, but there is urgency in having money in my account soon (before December 5th) so I can transfer the money, have that report printed by my bank, and then show it to the embassy. I will definitely have money again in January/February, since I have GBA/DS deals planned for that period, but I unfortunately cannot score much money at all before December 5th.

I know it's nothing as serious as a donation for healthcare or a charity, but please spread the word around! Thanks again for reading this and sorry about the begging tone :( I'll update about something else soon.

MAGFest 4 - Details and Money kwak (Donations?)

Thu, 03 Nov 2005 04:37:33 GMT

So I'm going to MAGFest in January to meet tons of VGMixers (some of you:). I'll be staying at Jake & Kristi's place a bit before/after the event so if you are anywhere in NJ/NY I suppose it's possible to meet (Justin, for exemple!). IF it's possible at all I'd ideally like to stay there for 10 days or such (that's 3 days of MAGFest and 7 days with Jake/Kristi/Dan and meeting people in the area, eventually family), I doubt I'll want to stay much longer and more importantly I wouldn't want to be a nuisance to them anyway :) I'll have to talk to them about it more but they are apparently in bed right now.

Although I know that many people at MAG and in NJ will be friendly with me over costs (I don't plan people to pay for me anyway, I'll have scored further game music money by then), it turns out that - thanks to George W. Bush - I still need a Visa despite obtaining a Passport (1. because it's delivered after Oct 26th 2. because it's not a biometric passport, which aren't delivered in France yet). So when all's said and done the initial cost for this trip and MAGFest is:

Train to Airport (2-way): 20 euros
Plane Tickets (2-way): 400 euros
Passport: 60 euros
Visa: 85 euros
MAGFest Weekend Pass: 25 euros
Help with hotel room: undetermined

That's 570 euros, which is 685 US dollars. I'm going to give up on buying a new PC but will still get a nice computer/hardware upgrade on the side, and I also have to make sure with some people that I can pay some stuff to them back later.

Originally Jake said he would set up some PayPal account for anyone to help with that (the jokingly-called PROJECT MV MAGFEST fund) but he's been so busy lately that I can't blame him for not setting that up. I'm going to take any donations from people who want to help me (tumult is already going to help a great deal, from what he told me) on my personal PayPal which is xavier.dang@gmail.com. If you can paypal me a few bucks or more, or ask around to people coming to magfest who'd like to help me with that, I'll be very grateful and thankful for it, and definitely won't forget about it when we meet, I'll buy you drinks! :)

I really hate to do this but I have to think of the national taxes coming up, and this is quite a huge flight & amount of money for me to take on all by myself. After all, I've only started making money recently, and it's a lunatic source of income :) I'm not expecting many donations to come out of this but thanks for reading me anyway, and many thanks if you chip a few bucks in.

See you at MAGFest! :D

stupid blog crap

Sun, 16 Oct 2005 01:18:51 GMT

Very Difficult
Your life has been 53% difficult.

Based on your family, money, political context, and personal situation
-- during the important years of your development -- it appears your
life was VERY DIFFICULT. What does this mean?

Well, the "difficulty" of your life is a measure of how rough you had
it. Relative to the world, you had a very, very difficult childhood.
I'm not sure what "success" means to you, but whatever it is, you can achieve it. When you do, it'll be that much more impressive.

I have a new test! Straight males and gay/bi females, check out my brand new How Low Are Your Sex Standards Test

My test tracked 1 variable How you compared to other people your age and gender:

You scored higher than 92% on difficult

Link: The How Difficult Is Your Life Test written by chicken_pot_pie on Ok Cupid, home of the 32-Type Dating Test

Goals for 2005/2006

Tue, 20 Sep 2005 11:49:18 GMT

- get my own apartment/place, although it might be hard to get one here as a freelancer.
- if the above fails, throwing a lot of stuff this apartment doesn't need and make room for all music/computer shitz.
- have a 4+ computer setup for music.
- buy the EW/QL Bundles.
- make/release my album.
- scoring a major PC/console soundtrack.
- feel better about the girlfriend situation, without necessarily getting one.
- go to MAGFest.
- visit Fred in Barcelona.
- visit my cousin Oncheera in London.
- travel
- suscribe to a gym and grow the muscles!!1
- lose about 40 pounds to be at my ideal weight.
- more friends, alcohol and drugs.
- play "the elder scrolls: oblivion"
- buy a playstation 3!
- masturb8!!111LOL

hee

Sat, 03 Sep 2005 08:29:13 GMT

A bit late on this but..

www.hellven.org

eff'in' check it out y0e!

I'm really happy with what we've done for this debut, it kicks a LOT of ass. As far as my own track goes, it was a whole new challenge, and only written in 1 day and a half! It features guitars and vocals from me :) I'm happy of how it turned out.

The website design (by hunz) kicks a lot too but for some reason the crew pages are malfunctioning under Internet Explorer (but work fine with mozilla). I'm looking into that. I also just finished updating forum organization and looks. Register & post! Hope you enjoy the music!

Love,
-Xav

P.S.: here's a "lover" mp3 loop (1mb) of the sung section in my track ;) it's just vocals/guitars/synthbass. 4DALADIEZ!11 (guys can listen too!)

You're not getting this back. I consider it asshole tax.

Thu, 18 Aug 2005 02:46:26 GMT

Lately I've got to hear a recurrent question coming many different local friends and random acquaintances I hadn't seen in a while: "So do you have a girlfriend now?"

It's a secret to nobody that I'm pretty social and zen about most things now, the time for depression and constant torture/despair is over. I've also started taking care of my appearance, and gained some sort of self-confidence. So apparently - in the eyes of the people I know - I became a "really cool guy" where I just used to be "the funny fat guy". Hey! I'm ok with that!

So, a girlfriend. Well some women I know have tried to set me up with some, and generally the girls around here think good of me, I used to be all quiet or agressive with women around a few years ago, but now I really enjoy the company, and I have a few choice female friends. So why am I still alone?

I just won't speak about all the tortured crap here, but some issues are still eating me, despite all the time that has passed & my more optimistic view on those. I even got myself stepping back when given the opportunity of scoring episodic love or lust affairs. It's a nasty situation because even a fresher state of mind can't make some problems go away, and they'd make a relationship awkward for me and the other party involved. And I realize that some of those (one in particular) are the key reasons as to why I never got to jump into life and have the best bite out of it, and it's stupid, but it's like that.

I do have much love to give, and I'm the most caring and relaxed guy ever when it comes to someone I love. But here I am, still tortured, ruminating over old fantasies and those details that prevent me from finally getting the thing I probably cared about the most those past 25 years: love and passion.

I've fixed everything else, I've survived over 10 years of depression, I'm starting to make a living with the only thing I like doing (music), I have lots of friends and make new ones regularly, but there's still that; and even though the setting is different, it still hurts.

Looking back to the 90s, have things really changed that much?

Music & Money

Mon, 15 Aug 2005 10:36:43 GMT

So one month after I started looking for game music jobs all around, things didn't turn out as i thought they would, but it's actually all for the better!

I was trying to find some deals with independant developers, since my pal Melin was making thousands of bucks per month with those. Turns out I got no offer from independant developers save for one, and it's paid in peanuts.

HOWEVER, by asking a few pals and pulling a few strings, and also indirect notoriety from amateur projects I was in before, I got contacted by commercial companies, which is even better, isn't it?

Here's what I scored:

- Music & SFX for 2 flash games, with certified future work (and lots of it) with that company
- 2 GameBoy Advance titles with a german company, with 1 title that'll be distributed worldwide, with certified work on future GBA/DS titles if they like my work
- Paid 15-minute long Chrono Trigger medley for some pals of the now defunct Chrono Resurrection project, with an interesting future amateur project that could be taken somewhere big
- Several possible future plans with both commercial and amateur projects, including a possible VERY interesting partnership with a company starting next January

I plan to buy huge symphonic libraries this month. It's almost BAD that I'm leaving for a 6-day vacation on August 22nd, because seriously I need the most cash I can this month while the libraries are cheaper.

Anyway I hope I don't screw anything up and let laziness take over, because my career is starting now, and I'm pretty lucky to have gotten such interesting offers just after opening my site (which put an end to 2 years of procrastination)

EXCITING!

More later,

- Xav

A Time for Tales

Tue, 26 Jul 2005 03:23:37 GMT

More ALS2 music:

6 seasons - Track 02 - A Time for Tales [MP3/5:09/7.1mb]

This is a track about childhood. I had a hard time mixing it right after some VSTi kind of fucked up everything when I saved this morning, but it sounds good enough for now. Although those tracks are most likely finished, it's more likely than the versions will be a tad different in the final release, with a bit of fade in/out and transitions between tracks.

Hope you listen/enjoy :)

Rise

Sun, 24 Jul 2005 18:18:48 GMT

Ok so there's this contest/fun thing called ALS2 hosted by ubik2501, which is basically about making a mp3 album before AUGUST.

But the thing is I only started NOW, hahah.

Anyway I'm going to make some ambient album project, maybe one track/day before august because I really need to get back into the loop of MAKING ELECTRONIC MUSIC, I can't believe how much time I wasted not doing that. Thankfully, I'm getting really comfortable using Cubase now and things are rolling.

So here's an almost-release-ready version of the first track that will go in my "6 seasons" mp3 album, it's called "Rise" and was made in a couple of hours. It really is a lazy ambient trip, but I think it does a fine job of reaching the soul or whatever, something that I've always considered important.

6 seasons - Track 01 - Rise [MP3/5:40/7.8mb]

Professional website launched!

Mon, 18 Jul 2005 00:05:58 GMT

http://xavier.hellven.org/

I've finally put my Pro website online, now it's time for some e-mail and forum spam in particular places. Hope you all enjoy it! It also has a music section for all listeners/fans to check, even though I mostly posted the recent/better, rather than posting everything.

The road to cash begins.

kwak

Sun, 17 Jul 2005 13:28:57 GMT

Just a short entry to tell all that now any registered LJ user can comment on this journal (as opposed to friends-only). No anonymous comments though, sorry!

Perspective

Wed, 06 Jul 2005 07:32:56 GMT

I realize I haven't posted anything relevant in ages here, while actually many things have happened. I meant to post about a particular thing concerning next year, but I guess I'll post about.. lots of things, if only for memories.

Marriage
-------------------
My best friend got married in May, it was extremely fun. We had a bachelor's party at the beach two weeks before it, which was a refreshing adventure, and then the marriage itself which was a really funny/pleasant experience. It couldn't have been any better, I was skeptical at first because the relationship between both families were relatively tense, but the organization and alcohol fixed all of this, and I believe everyone had great fun, we (the young adults) sure had anyway!

The marriage started at my city's hall, in a very classy room to say the least (old historical room with paintings and art on walls and roof, old wooden furniture, etc..), and then we left to Paris to a nice party/celebration hall with also a garden and a lake. There was delicious food, lots of alcool, some bandits rolling joitns inthe garden and tons of singing, ALL THE GOOD STUFF. I even got my minute of embarassment, singing the most retarded french pop song ever, that was fun haha. When the thing there was over (at around 4am) we then went to some bar/club in Paris and drank even more, and then Virginie took me back home with her car, and since I don't like car trips (especially in Paris) I was in a half-coma :)

Parties/Social
-------------------
I've been seeing lots of people recently, went outside to several shows/happenings, went and helped with one or two parties, spent a few days in the west of france twice. I've been having a lot of fun with people really. I'm a tortured soul when it comes to myself and myself alone and get heavily depressed/lethargic in my room. But I have to admit that if you put me with people I can remotely feel connected with, I'm the most social person ever, sometimes even shocking the most prude and reserved. Sometimes I have trouble fighting this double-personality, and get annoyed by the fact that I'm the "funny guy" and the one cheering people up (since I'm really frustrated with so many things about my existence) but I got to accept that, and get the most fun I can get when partying/drinking socially. I wish some of the guys I know would ease about social interactions like I did, instead of ruminating about how they cannot interact with girls.

Music/Money
-------------------
Money has become a serious issue. My father seems to live off credits right now and the situation is getting tense. If you know me a bit, it won't be a secret to you that I developped some kind of phobia concerning "normal" jobs. I suppose my tortured and lethargic train of life made me completely reject the idea of working everyday at a given place, doing a recurrent occupation, socialising with "random" people. Ridiculous I know, but I can't help it!

I've tried to get a music job at some point, where I could work from home. A french company developping cell phone games was looking for a Sound Designer/Composer and I have tried to get there, but they apparently have hired someone else!

A swedish pal of mine called Melin then hooked me up with a way to make cash, which basically involves making soundtracks/sfx for online/shareware game dev companies (making game music for pakistan, for $10, like Jake would say:). It does pay less than real game deals indeed, but if you manage to score a few contracts per month (contacting a lot of people and having a serious site with convincing audio demos + some good reviews) you can score a few thousand bucks a month! It gets even better if you give your all into it, it could be a LOT of money for a few months, which I'm totally in for. I'm working on audio demos right now and a french pal is designing a pro website for me. I'll then send hundreds of e-mails and see how many offers I can score. It HAS to work and it WILL work.

Back to School?
-------------------
At one of those parties I went to, I met a guy who was a musician as well (a tracker too!) and he had told me about a School dedicated to "Video Game Development and Business" opening in France. That guy just got back to me and told me they had one spot open for "Sound Designer" classes. I just checked the website but unfortunately it's too late to apply. I've been thinking though, about trying to get there next year if the money situation gets fixed.

If I make a lot of money, it wouldn't be hard to cover the costs of the school, plus I could eventually keep working on the side and still make money to cover costs for a nice apartment there, food, train trips back to Paris each weekend, etcetc. It will be hard to get into this because by next year it'll be more popular, and they also ask for a BAC+3 level of education (if you don't know, the BAC is basically a general diploma you pass here when you are done with college) which CAN be replaced by 3 years+ of professional/personal experience, that is where I will try to negotiate, since I've been freelancing and making music on computers for a long while.

If I ever get there, it seems that it'd take at least 2-3 years to get the final diploma, which would be fantastic (A high degree diploma, valid in the whole world! wee!). Also, during the scholarship there, I'd eventually work for 3-4 months at a professional company that would pay and evaluate me.

During the first semester, students from all categories (designer/coders/leaders/CG/sound/etc) get general VG business knowledge classes and also english lessons (wee I'd get high marks in those!), then during the 2nd, each category starts to work on its specialization; which in my case would be doing stuff I already do (scoring, making BGM, some SFX, arranging..etc) but also learning new software, sound design, production/mastering lessons, getting involved in new technologies, etcetc. That sounds very interesting to say the least!

I have had terrible experiences with school as a child, really, REALLY, traumatising shit. But I am more mature and I managed to fight off the biggest problems I had that made school impossible for me back then. Actually, I am EXTREMELY interested in getting back into "the school life", which is having a sane day schedule, meeting new guys and girls, studying and hanging out to new places. I would also get to live somewhere else than this shitty Parisian suburb, which would be a nice change! Last but not least, I'd finally get a feel of independance, living on my own and at my own place for a while.

So what I basically need to do is make money and contact this guy I met back this year to see if the school's really that badass, since he's apparently going to be in it starting this September :)

MAGFest 4!
-------------------

This time it seems that I'll really be going to MAGFest, crazy huh? I'm going to make some money soon and Jake+others are proposing to help me with the ticket costs, yay! I have yet to get a passport/VISA and then organize my trip before getting tickets and co, but it's going to be absolutely awesome; although I don't know how I'm going to hang out with SO MANY PEOPLE in just one weekend. Seriously you have all the american VGMix guys coming, then some canadians, other europeans, and even Luiza from Brazil! That is going to be SO much fun. I'll be staying at Jake & Kristi's place before and a bit after the con before flying back to France, except if I find other places to hang out at after the con and co., I wouldn't want to stay at their place too long and eventually become a nuisance, or run out of things to do :)

I really can't wait to meet all those 'tards I talk to online, hahaha. (they'll mock my french accent!)

Well that was long, wasn't it? Off to make some other audio demos!

A poem

Wed, 29 Jun 2005 00:24:33 GMT

My penis,

reflects in the mirror,

oh god the horror,

such a piece of valor,

a human pink galore,

not tortured enough to be gore,

maybe is a bore

My penis.

THANK YOU!